You know when someone says something and you wish the words were your own, it’s that good? This is one of those times. We read this great post by Olivyah Bowens, aka ‘The Virtual Doula’, on Instagram to her 27,900 followers (@herholisticpath). The 23-year-old mum from Puerto Rico got real about the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. And on reading it, we were like “What SHE said!”, yep, applauding on the sideline. Here it is:
No one teaches you how to love a child you didn’t plan to have.
No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren’t happy about being pregnant with.
It’s even more difficult at those times when they’re having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion.
When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later.
Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change.
It’s so easy to project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealt-with trauma.
This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter’s eyes and realize that, no, I don’t enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now.
When we heal our deepest pains we are speaking to our ancestors across the space time illusion and holding a cross-generational conversation within our DNA that heals old wounds and rectifies long lost problems.
Motherhood hasn’t just healed me it’s healed the mothers that came before me.
The reality is, I don’t want to be a mother every day. I don’t want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don’t want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom.
Dear mama who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel afraid, don’t feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be its mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn’t know was there.
Thank you Olivyah, we love your outlook on life!
Watch Claire’s story of unplanned pregnancy: