I was 23 and met the man of my dreams. He was someone I never thought I’d end up with; handsome, great career, kind. I was so in love with him.
Twelve months later he asked me to marry him. My dreams had come true.
We had a two-year engagement and took things slow. We worked hard and then planned our wedding. We got married and had a great honeymoon, then went home, back to a normal life. We started talking about starting a family. My husband was running a business and things were really hard at work for us. Very stressful. Anyway, 10 months after our wedding, I fell pregnant. We were so happy.
We waited until I was eight weeks to tell everyone. He was on his phone telling his family and I was on my phone telling my family. We were so excited.
To Cut a long story short, I was 11 weeks pregnant and my husband come home from work and didn’t seem happy. I was asking him all night, “What is wrong with you tonight?” He kept saying nothing. An hour later I said, “What is wrong?” His answer to me was, “I don’t want to be a husband or a father.” He told me to have an abortion.
My world was shattered.
There was no way I was going to have one of those.
I waited a couple of days. Spinning out about my world, thinking what is wrong with my husband. He was still saying he didn’t want to be a husband or a father. I spent a couple more days in bed crying and confused and very scared. I got my phone and rang my mum to take me to the doctor to organise an abortion.
I can not be a single mum.
The doctor said he would not refer me for an abortion until we had marriage counselling. So that’s what we did. The counsellor gave us a sheet of paper with heaps of questions. We answered all the questions and the counsellor was looking at them and said to my husband, “I can’t help you, you need a psychiatrist.” So she referred him to someone else. She said to me, “I can help you decide whether you are going to keep the baby or not.”
I had a few sessions with her to talk but I was still very confused and scared and wanted my husband back to normal. A week went by and I had to make my mind up pretty fast.
I had an abortion and I wanted to die too.
But I was scared and didn’t want to be a single mum, that was my biggest nightmare.
That was 12 years ago. There is not a day go by that I don’t think about it. I wanted that baby and it was planned. I still can’t believe that happened to me. A couple of hard years went by and I settled down a bit and I’m now In a relationship and have a six year old and a three year old. But not married and never will get married again.
I am happy but I know that something is missing.