You’ve got a baby on board, a bun in the oven, you’re in the family way, expecting. Woot! But how’s that going? If it was unexpected for you, chances are that when it comes to announcement time, you’ll be fielding some not-so-delicate remarks. We’ve got your back… here are five possible remarks paired with savvy responses to help you maintain composure.

1. “Are you keeping it?”

I see your question and raise you a rebuttal: “Are you keeping your right leg? I know a great surgeon, does fabulous amputations!”

2. “What a shock!”

“Shockingly splendid! Shock was when a bird pooed on my shoulder the other day, but this situation has a definite cause and effect.”

3. “Oh.”

(They don’t know how to respond and are waiting to take their cue from you as to whether they sing or sob…)
“We’re thrilled!” (wait for it… yep, see, she’s coming in for the hug!)

4. “How did that happen?”

“Well…” (oh, you can have fun with this one! Allow a twinkle in your eye and indulge…)
“We were alone and snuggling on the couch one night and I was wearing that dress with the plunging neckline and the little split up the back, and suddenly he gets this look in his eye and…”
(Take it as far as you like, but I’d suggest just until they start to turn half a shade pinker. They’ll realise their blunder and change their tune.)

5. “Ohhh, no! What are you going to do?”

Flip negative nanny on her head. Sorry, I don’t mean that literally – violence is never recommended. But respond with breezy confidence, as nonplussed as if she had just commented on how beautifully coiffed your hair is today:

“Well that’s the wonderful thing, isn’t it? There’s not much I have to do. My body does it all for me. Already it’s altering to accommodate new life, providing space and sustenance for this little person’s development. I find it absolutely incredible. And I figure that if my body can do all that adapting, then our lifestyles can do likewise and adapt a little this way and a little that way to make room for this already-here person in my tummy.” (Big, doe-eyed smile here. That’s it, well done!)

This list is far from comprehensive. It’s a sad indictment on society that our first response to “I’m pregnant!” isn’t always, always, always celebration.

Let the celebration begin with you.

As much as possible, overlook the insult, squeeze any drop of positivity from the conversation, or do your best to steer it in that direction. And if all else fails, leave. There is nothing to be gained from sour pusses and sad sacks who cannot accept the unplanned delight of your situation. Most people will come ’round and start planning baby showers and that sort of thing. So gather them around you and enjoy. Enjoy. Every. Moment.

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